I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
