then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
