JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
