A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
