There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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