The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
