Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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