Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
