I smell stomach acid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
