So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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