Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
