I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
