When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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