Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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