So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
