can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
