How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
