Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
