I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
