I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize