don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
