last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
