just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are we still banned from the library?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
