I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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