M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
