dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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