"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
