hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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