it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
