so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
