if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
