Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
