New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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