How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
