Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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