my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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