When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
