it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
