Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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