I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
