So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
