Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Shame is for Republicans.
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