Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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