bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
