Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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