I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
