I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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