Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
