i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
