State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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