So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
