My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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