You're my little dorito
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
