Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
