it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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