UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
