I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
