he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
