you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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