Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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