remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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