Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
