That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
