Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
