I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We have started to decorate penises.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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