Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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