Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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