It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
