sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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