pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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