At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
