i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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