We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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