how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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