i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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