So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
