How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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