So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
