He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
