I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
