I think i sorta joined a cult last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
