Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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