Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
