i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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