Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found puke in my bra..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
