Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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